10 things to consider before you speak to your partner about divorce.
10 December 2019

Scullion LAW are here to help you if you need us. We have offices in the West End of Glasgow, Saltmarket and Hamilton. We are always at your service. Sometimes it is just good to know where to turn and who to trust. Getting started is often the hardest step.

Judith Higson is our specialist family solicitor with over 15 years experience. You can speak to her in confidence within the warmth and comfort of our office over a cup of tea. We suggest you explore all of your options before you make a decision about what to do next. We will be by your side throughout to help you plan for a happier future. And also, should you change your mind and decide to work on your marriage we shall support that decision too. Your future happiness is our priority. Trust in Scullion LAW. .

Here Judith shares 10 things to consider before you speak to your partner about a divorce. 

0141 374 2121   info@scullionlaw.com

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1. IS THIS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO PROCEED WITH?

Take time to explore what is wrong in the marriage as sometimes decisions can be made through anger and frustration.  Ask yourself if you are just threatening divorce due to these feelings.

2. DO YOU STILL LOVE YOUR PARTNER?

It may be that you do, however, you feel that you are unloved and undervalued.  Consider whether you would be a happier person without them.  Consider whether you would stay if your partner changed.

3. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING TO TRY AND RESOLVE THE ISSUES?

Have you sat down and spoken with your partner and asked them how they are feeling about the relationship? Maybe counselling could be an option. Fault can be on both sides and sitting down to discuss matters or taking part in counselling sessions could help parties address issues in the relationship by talking openly about their feelings and issues and listening to what each other has to say.

4. IF YOU ARE GOING AHEAD OR JUST WANT TO FIND OUT MORE DO YOU KNOW YOUR OPTIONS TO RESOLVE THE ISSUES?

Are you aware of the different processes you might choose from to resolve matters? Have you been advised of what these involve? There is traditional solicitor negotiation, where you stay at arm’s length from your partner, Collaboration and Mediation were you and your partner are front and centre to the decisions which need to be made and court action, which should only be an option of last resort.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT CLAIMS YOU CAN MAKE?

You should always receive advice on how the law deals with the financial and child related aspects of the separation. Then you can either choose to settle matters without a full enquiry into your matrimonial property and ask your solicitor to draft the Separation Agreement without advice on the fairness and reasonableness of the settlement or you can go through a process of fully disclosing to each other the matrimonial property in each of your names and build up a full and complete picture of what needs to be divided with your solicitor then being able to give you full advice on what a fair and reasonable settlement might be. The claims you have will depend on the make-up of the matrimonial pot and may include claims on pensions and investments.

6. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT WILL COST?

Your solicitor will be able to give you an estimate of the costs of resolving matters based on their experience of similar cases. You need to think about how you will fund this. Mediation offers the least expensive option and if you have children this gives you both the best chance of being able to communicate with one another going forward as parents but your case needs to be suitable.

7. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED YOUR DATE OF SEPARATION AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THIS IS AN IMPORTNANT DATE?

You will need to identify your date of separation at the outset and be advised about what constitutes the matrimonial pot to be divided. The date of your separation is the date you were no longer cohabiting as man and wife. You can be living under the same roof but be separated. The date will depend on all of the circumstances of your case including whether you were sleeping together, socialising together, cooking for one another and what did friends and family understand to be the case? Sometimes there can be disputes over this date and this can prolong the resolution of the financial aspects of your separation. There are pragmatic ways to address this and ensure that you do not insist on a date of separation when it is not economically sensible to do that.

8. DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE SPEAKING TO YOUR PARTNER?

Sometimes it is just too difficult to sit down together when emotions run high. Sometimes things can get worse. Communicating with your partner may not be easy and don’t subject yourself to this if you don’t feel you can. Hopefully things will get easier but let your solicitor guide you. The decision is yours and sometimes it is better to wait until things calm down.

9. DO YOU FEEL SAFE SPEAKING TO YOUR PARTNER?

If you don’t feel safe speaking to them don’t put yourself through that. You need to take care of yourself and protect yourself from harm. Remember it’s not separations which damage children, it’s conflict.

10. SEEK THE SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Your solicitor will help you tackle the legal issues but separating can be a stressful and traumatic time, when you are coming to terms with the loss of your relationship. Seeking support from family and friends and talking about what you are going through can help you adjust to your new circumstances. Sometimes talking to someone independent such as a Family Consultant, counsellor or a support group might help.

If you are affected by any of these issues we can help you. To speak to us in confidence and to arrange an Initial Meeting contact us on 01698 283265. The cost of the Initial Meeting is £240 including Vat. There’s no obligation to proceed any further if you don’t want to and you will leave with a really good understanding of your options for next steps.

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