5 reasons to choose divorce coaching
10 November 2022

Divorce can feel like an emotional rollercoaster

You may be experiencing regular feelings of helplessness, feeling overwhelmed or despair? Or maybe all 3 on a bad day!
Or maybe you are feeling like this…?

• Fearful about the future – how will I manage financially, where will I live, how will the children adjust to moving between two homes, will I meet someone else?
• Anxious and confused about the legal process in terms of time, the outcome and high financial costs
• Poor self-confidence and self-care
• Not having a clear head to make good decisions, whether big or small.

Whether you are contemplating divorce/separation, going through it now or readjusting to life post-divorce, coaching can bring many benefits. All clients going through a divorce process experience some or all of the above and, although it may feel very uncomfortable, it is perfectly normal.

Even if both spouses have agreed amicably that divorce is the best way forward, the family dynamics will still change significantly in terms of a new home for one or both former spouses. It will also alter financial positions, affect earning capacity and that’s before looking at the emotional effects. For many, there is also an added element of trauma which takes even longer to heal from.

Your divorce is unique and no one will understand all the factors at play better than you.

Divorce coaching, like any other type of coaching, is 100% focused on the client and you remain at the centre of the process throughout.

Therefore it is for you to choose what to focus on in coaching whether that be the way you want to handle the divorce process, how to deal with financial and childcare matters, your mindset and what you want your life to look like after divorce. Once you realise that you have choices to make, it can feel very empowering and you will know best which aspect of the divorce you want to focus on first.

By working with a coach, the situation can be transformed into this:

1. A safe and confidential space

To be listened to where you can express and explore whatever emotions surface. This is a very different conversation from those you have with friends as a coach’s role is not to pass judgement or give advice. Emotions can often be complex and confusing at such a time and they are all valid. 

2. Feeling more in control of the process and creating space to get clarity on big decisions

A coach will help you find tools and strategies to manage the challenging times when you get triggered by what someone has said or done. Often you will discover ways to manage your negative thoughts which can often take on a life of their own at such a time, especially in the early hours of the morning! You will also be helped to distinguish between what you can control and what you can’t.

3. Moving through and beyond the divorce more quickly and amicably

Coaching will help you process the feelings more quickly as you will have had an opportunity to bring them to the surface. It will also help you create the relationship you want with your children and former partner moving forward. Often people focus on the outcome of the divorce itself rather than considering what they want their new life to look like afterwards and start to look forward to the possibilities.

Coaching offers an opportunity to tune back in with yourself, remember who you were before you married and discover/rediscover your hopes and dreams.

4. Saving time and money rather than drawing out legal proceedings

Coaching helps you to step back from making emotional decisions and instead make conscious decisions which are right for you and the family long term. It may be that this leads to mediation rather than lengthy legal proceedings. Clients still have to manage a relationship beyond the divorce itself if there are children involved and therefore the more amicable the divorce the better the outcome for everyone.

5. Becoming empowered and confident to deal with whatever comes

Coaching will help you trust your gut in making decisions which you know are right for you, realise that you can make choices which are in accordance with your values rather than just reacting to someone else and start to value yourself by prioritising self-care. We cannot take care of anyone else unless we take care of ourselves first and during such a time it is more important than ever. Sometimes a client will have become so bound up with the other person that they almost forget that they are an individual and have no clear identity outside of the ‘couple’.

Written by Hilary Reinders-Forshaw, Certified Life Coach specialising in divorce and separation and a member of the Scullion LAW Divorce Support Network. 

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