Avoid these five mistakes when leaving your abusive partner.

The last few months have been challenging for many individuals and families.

We recognise these are uncertain times and as such we have collaborated with several coaches, therapists and counsellors across the UK to provide our clients with the best support, guidance and advice. We are now offering everyone who instructs our family solicitors at Scullion LAW a 20 minute complimentary (no obligation) chat with a member of our support network who can really listen to and support them on an  emotional level. This is in the hope that when we get involved (to provide legal advice) people are better able to absorb and digest the information we give to them. This will help them to think straight and make more informed decisions as they move forward.

Over the last few months, domestic abuse has been on the rise.

We represent men and females fleeing abusive partners in equal measure. It is not just women who are victims – contrary to popular belief. With many cases, it takes a while to escape or break the cycle especially in circumstances where kids are involved. That is exactly why we at Scullion LAW are here to help. We put your best interests and that of any kids involved front and centre.

We also can refer you to speak to Divorce Coach Caron Kipping who has been through it herself.

Every situation is unique and that is why our service at Scullion LAW is bespoke. You can trust in us.

Caron has kindly prepared the following blog for us. Please email judith@scullionlaw.com with any Q. You can also contact Judith or our other family solicitor Nicola Buchanan via linkedin and send them a private message in confidence if you are needing our help.

We would also like to make you aware of details for Home Start Glasgow,  Abernecessities & Women’s Aid.

 

Home Start 0141 948 0441 / 01698 442 883 info@homestartnl.org.uk

https://abernecessities.co.uk/contact  07719707360 (Aberdeenshire)

http://www.glasgowwomensaid.org.uk  0141  553 2022

https://www.gha.org.uk/my-home/keep-me-safe/domestic-abuse 

 

Avoid these five mistakes when leaving your abusive partner.

You can contact Caron and all members of our network via our website. 

Leaving any relationship is difficult – being the one to make the final decision, having to have ‘that’ conversation with your partner, but choosing to leave someone who has effectively controlled most if not all of your life for some time is scary. Here are some pointers as to what NOT to do if you are thinking of leaving.

1) Backing down due to fear and thinking that it might get better. Yes, leaving is scary but what is the alternative? Live for the rest of your days being scared at home on a daily basis, ‘walking on eggshells’, showing your children what it’s like NOT to have respect for your partner? Maybe even getting hurt – or worse still one of your children getting hurt, as the situation worsens and the resentment deepens? If you stay you are effectively giving your partner permission to treat you badly and if nothing changes, nothing changes, right?
Backing off because you are worried you won’t be able to cope, because you are worried you will lose your home, because you are worried you won’t be able to cope alone are all excuses not to take action. Some of them are very understandable but they can all be sorted one by one and are not important enough to justify putting up with someone who is supposed to love you, but who persists in trying to destroy you.

2) Telling your soon-to-be-ex that you want to leave. That is like a ‘red rag to a bull’. Remember they want to keep their power and control over you, so the very thought of you leaving is going to send them into a panic and that’s when the abuse can get worse as they try to keep that control. Make sure you have a plan of how to leave safely before you tell.

3) Thinking you will be able to keep this amicable. It would be amazing if you could but this would be very unrealistic, seeing as I just explained the essence of your ex’s behaviour is related to keeping power and control over you. It is highly unlikely that once you leave they are suddenly going to accept it and be the perfect co-parent. You will need to keep some firm boundaries in place for quite some time and will need some strategies as to how to do that.

4) Assuming you can get through this alone. It will be tough emotionally, perhaps financially and having a good support team can make all the difference. Speak to friends or family who have been divorced and they will tell you it was probably one of the toughest times in their lives, but also the start of something much better. Reach out to people who can keep you positive and strong.

5) Believing the things your ex says to hurt you – they know exactly how to make you anxious and how to chip away at your confidence. This is NOT reality, just their distorted sense of it. Read more about it here. 

6) Remember your strengths – if you have lived with emotional or physical abuse you will already be one of the strongest people on the planet, you just don’t feel it because of the effect their words have on you.

The more space you have away from your ex, the stronger you will become.

For help and support contact me on info@caronkippingcoaching.com , buy my book ‘Recognition to Recovery- How to leave your abusive ex behind for good! From Amazon or see my social media for more quick tips on how to deal with your abusive ex.

 

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