Impasse: the effects on the progression of a successful Collaborative Separation or Divorce by Collaborative Coach, Myra Eadie.
13 May 2021

Throughout lockdown we have seen an increase in demand for appointments to discuss separation and divorce.

We recognise these are unprecedented times and have thus collaborated with a wide range of coaches, therapists and counsellors from Glasgow and beyond to create a ‘support network‘. Every new family client will be given the option of a complimentary (no obligation) 20 minute call with someone in our network. This is to simply listen and take the heat out of the situation. We hope this gives our clients a sense of calm and clarity prior to making life changing decisions as some people are able to work though their differences whilst others proceed to divorce with dignity. At Scullion LAW we always put the wellbeing of any children involved front and centre via mediation and collaboration.

If you or someone you know is struggling and wishes to seek legal guidance, please get in touch. Email info@scullionlaw.com 0141 374 2121

Our solicitors Judith Higson and Nicola Buchanan are both accredited mediators and child law specialists. We will handle everything with the utmost respect, dignity and professionalism you deserve.

Today we have invited Collaborative Coach Myra Eadie to write a guest blog for us. We hope you enjoy reading it. If you have any Q please do not hesitate to get in touch. You can connect with Myra on Linkedin by clicking here. 

What is an impasse?

An impasse is a state of ‘stuckness’, a feeling of being trapped. When entering this state an individual commonly goes into ‘fight or flight or freeze’ mode and the body/brain triggers increased adrenalin and cortisol. In turn this will maintain a heightened sensitivity, perpetuates the problems which maintains stress, anxiety and impasse.

This ‘stuckness’ is evidenced and supported by drawing on negative memories which will influence the ‘here and now’ decision-making process.

People will mis-communicate or mis-understand their emotions in this state and present their fear as anger or their sadness as powerlessness. Individuals need to understand the real feelings underneath the presented feelings in order to be authentic and move out of the impasse. This helps individuals to be honest with themselves and gain a better understanding of themselves. These true feelings may need some help to be acknowledged and dealt with safely and that is one of the roles of the Collaborative Coach.

How can a Collaborative Coach help?

When individuals get stuck they are in avoidance and denial of their authentic feelings. The Collaborative Coach can help couples and individuals face the difficulties which can bring a feeling of empowerment.

Individuals can perceive the unknown (future) as more frightening than the discomfort of the impasse. They therefore collude with others to help reinforce and maintain the status quo.

The process used to face feelings is a familiar automatic repetitive process and a Collaborative Coach is trained to explore alternative ways to guide and support the use of wider options of dealing with difficult situations and this can take time. Through this guidance the coach will work together with all involved to achieve the best possible outcome for all the family while acknowledging the needs of all throughout a difficult time.

What is the best approach? 

The best approach is to take one step at a time reinforcing the good outcome of each step. The self-growth that individuals will experience will positively enhance all areas of their lives and the strengths and skills developed will eventually become automatic and can be used in other difficult situations.

By being curious with themselves and others the individuals widen their options. They will achieve a higher level of communication, minimise conflict and create a strong, healthy parent/child relationship.

In summary

Engaging in the Collaborative process, together with all the experienced professionals involved, individuals will have more control over their future. They will be supported and guided by the Collaborative Coach through the difficulties to reach authentic negotiations and decisions for the best possible future for themselves and the family.

Myra Eadie, Collaborative Coach, Collaborative Trainer, Psychotherapist

END – thank you Myra for preparing this blog.

If you would like to find out more information on the differences between mediation and collaboration, this useful article from Lawyer Monthly may help. If you have any Q please do not hesitate to get in touch with Judith Higson or Nicola Buchanan at Scullion LAW. 

What are the benefits of a collaborative approach?

• After an initial meeting between you and your lawyer a series of four-way meetings are arranged with your partner and his or her collaborative lawyer. The idea behind the collaborative law process is for the parties themselves, with the assistance of their lawyers, to reach their own fair solution, without the cost, uncertainty and potential acrimony of the traditional court process.
• Collaborative Divorce is significantly cheaper than going to court.
• In a collaboration, clients shape the discussion and do most of the talking. This allows non-legal issues to be addressed and makes collaborative divorce a more holistic process.

If you have any Q please do not hesitate to get in touch with Scullion LAW

0141 374 2121

info@scullionlaw.com

divorce|family|Family Law|mediation|Mums|parenthood