When someone dies

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Marie Curie are one of our main charities of the year 2020

We are proud to have worked closely with them for over 5 years supporting the people within our community living with a terminal illness.

We hope that you find these articles helpful – as shared directly from the Marie Curie website.

The first blog in this series we are sharing is relating to ‘when someone dies’. We hope that you find it helpful.

If you need help winding up an estate please call Gordon Lennox or Emma Wright on 0141 374 2121 or email info@scullionlaw.com

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We care.

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Losing somebody close affects everyone differently. Through our work with the family and friends of those living with terminal illness, we’ve gathered a range of resources to help you cope emotionally as well as handle the practical side of losing someone close to you.

Grief is a natural response to losing someone you care about. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone’s experiences of grief are individual. The important thing is to do what feels right for you.

Grieving can be painful and it can’t be fixed or made to go away. But the grief and pain will lessen and there will come a time when you can adjust and cope without the person who has died. You may find this video helpful on ‘what does grief feel like’. Tina, Dan, Tasneem and Ella share their experiences of grief. They talk about feelings of shock, anger, anxiety and loneliness. You might find that there are some things you can relate to. But you might find that your experience is different – and that’s OK too.  VIDEO: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way#film1

 

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Your initial reaction

It’s impossible to predict how you’ll react to the death of someone you care about, even when you know what’s going to happen.

You may go into shock or feel numb. You may feel disbelief and that what’s happened isn’t real. You might carry on – or try to carry on – as though nothing has happened. In the first few minutes and hours, you may go through many different feelings and emotions, and that is normal. There’s no right or wrong way to feel and react.

If you’re alone at this time, you could ask family and friends, or a spiritual or religious leader, to come and support you.

How you might feel

Grief is not just one feeling, but many emotions that follow on from one another. You may find your mood changes quickly, or that you feel very differently in different situations. People who are bereaved sometimes say they feel ‘up and down’.

You may feel:

  • shocked or numb
  • sad
  • anxious or agitated
  • exhausted
  • relieved
  • guilty
  • angry
  • calm
  • lacking in purpose
  • resentful.

You might also find it difficult to concentrate or carry out tasks that would normally be easy.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel and no timetable for grief. Everyone is different.

It’s common for people to swing between feeling OK one minute and upset the next. You might find that these feelings come in waves or bursts – this can be unpredictable and might make you feel worried, ashamed or afraid.

How long does grief last for?

People sometimes ask how long they will grieve for. There’s no good answer to this as it will be different for each person. You may have different feelings that come and go over months or years. Gradually, people find that their feelings of grief aren’t there all the time and aren’t as difficult to cope with. At times, these feelings might still be stronger – for example, at anniversaries, birthdays or in certain places.

Some people find that their feelings of grief don’t lessen, and they find it difficult to manage daily activities. For example, they might struggle to go to work, look after children or socialise with friends. If you’re experiencing this or you’re not able to cope, speak to your GP. You can also call the Samaritans   on 116 123.

The first few Christmases without my husband were hard. We go out for Christmas now so it’s different, and that makes it easier.

Jennie, family member

Not everyone experiences grief in the same way

People don’t always grieve in the same way – not everyone will cry or feel sad. Some people might feel shocked or numb, especially in the first days or weeks.

For others, the death of a close friend or family member is a relief. For example, if you had a complicated relationship with the person or they were in pain or suffering. If that’s how you feel, it’s OK.

If you’re feeling upset, but a close family member seems unaffected, it might be easy to think they ‘don’t care’. But grief is different for everyone, and people process it in different ways.

Thinking about your loved one

When someone’s died it can seem as if part of your life has stopped. You may want to find ways of treasuring your relationship with the person, even though they are no longer physically here. Looking at photos or writing down your memories may help you. Talking about your loved one with other people who knew them well may be comforting.

You may experience longing or yearning. You may dream about them, or think you’ve heard their voice or seen them in the distance. This is quite a common experience after someone has died. It might help to be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. Sometimes people can worry that they might forget what their loved one looked like or how their voice sounded. But there are many ways to keep their memory alive.

Getting support

You don’t have to go through bereavement alone. There are lots of ways to get support, whether you prefer to talk to someone in person or join an online community. If you would like to speak to someone about your feelings, contact the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309.

Read more about getting support.

You think you’re ready but the end comes quickly. There’s a great relief that they’re no longer suffering but the selfish side of you wants them to stay with you forever.

 

 

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends  – please access the full article here.

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