Introducing a new partner to your children when you are separated from the other parent

There’s no legal rule on when to introduce a new partner to your children, but how you handle it matters. Scullion LAW’s Family Law team sets out what to consider, how to talk to the other parent, and how to build a plan that puts your children first.

How separation affects children and what actually causes harm

There’s no rule book or parenting handbook when it comes to having children. Every child is an individual and every family is different. Different personalities have different parenting styles and this can come into sharp focus when parents separate.

The three principles that help children adapt after separation

There are, however, certain guidelines to follow as a parent which will help your child adapt to the separation in a healthy way:

It’s not separations that damage children, it is conflict. Keep conflict to a minimum.
Children thrive on routine. Knowing when they will see the other parent enables the child to look forward to that.
Don’t bad mouth the other parent in front of the children. This allows the children to feel they can have a relationship with both of you rather than creating divided loyalty. You should encourage your children to have a good relationship with both of you.

Introducing a new partner to your children after separation

When one parent moves into a new relationship this can often create a flash point. Parents can often disagree about their children being introduced to the new partner. Ideally introducing a new partner to your children should be carefully considered and thought out before it happens.

Is the relationship ready? Assessing stability before introductions

You should feel as confident as you can that the new relationship is a long-term one. Serially introducing new partners to children who then don’t stick around in the children’s lives can cause confusion and a lack of trust for the children.

Talking to your new partner before the children meet them

You should discuss with your new partner whether they think this is a good idea. If they have not already met the other parent then it would be a good idea for that to happen first.

How to tell the other parent you want to introduce a new partner

You should discuss things with the other parent and allow them to express their view. It’s often helpful to approach things in a reassuring way. You’re not trying to replace them in the children’s lives, but you are both entitled to move on. If you’re the one making this plan first, then the other parent would hopefully reciprocate when it comes to introducing their new partner in due course. You can lead the way and demonstrate you have your children’s best interests at the centre of your thinking and actions.

Creating an introduction plan; where, when and how

You should draw up a plan with the adults involved on how the introduction will be managed. This is usually best done gradually, building up contact between the children and the new partner over time. Plans should involve where, when and for how long the contact will take place. Think about your children, their specific needs and how to manage an introduction in a way that will allow your children to feel loved and supported in the process.

Co-parenting after separation and keeping communication respectful

Remember that whilst you are separated, you will remain parents to your children and it is best for them that you can both communicate civilly and respectfully with one another when making decisions for and about them.

Get advice from our Family Law team

Contact us if you are affected by any of these issues. Our award-winning Family Law Team is here to help. This article was prepared by Judith Higson, Executive Director and Head of Family Law.

The content of this article is for information only, is not intended to be construed as legal advice, and should not be treated as a substitute for specific advice. Scullion LAW accepts no responsibility for the content of any third-party website to which this article refers.